Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
