I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
