We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
