Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
