I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
