I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Randomize
