So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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