We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
