dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Boobs are out for the taking
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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