No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
