Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
