He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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