Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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