Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So here I am, sexting at work.
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