Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
