Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
