Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
