Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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