Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
