she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
