You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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