So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
