we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
