I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
