There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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