dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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