I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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