why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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