PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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