she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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