who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
