pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
