I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
