i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
