i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
