you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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