I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
