Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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