Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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