This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
