i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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