perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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