I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
