Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
