You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
