Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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