I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
