He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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