Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
