Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
