Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
