a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
