First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
