can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
